Wake Me Up Before You Go-Letting Go to Receive

So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed. John 8:36

We can live our lives holding onto yesterday. We hold onto past achievements, relationships, mind-sets, and habits. But, in order to have an abundant life, we have to be willing to let go of things and people of the past in order to make this present moment all it can be.

I remember when I was in a relationship years ago and couldn't understand why it wasn't working. I was constantly frustrated and feeling unsettled but could never put my finger on the source. Well, what I discovered after counseling, prayer, and intropspection was I was holding onto a previous relationship and was not giving the current relationship all the attention and chances it needed to flourish. I was comparing the new person to the old, I was trying to have them make up for the pain the other person caused me, I was trying to mold them into the perfect mate, and I was afraid I would be hurt and misunderstood as I was in the previous relationship. Which had me on an emotional rollercoaster and on a constant mission of self-sabotage. I was nagging all the time, I was controlling, miserable, fearful, and jealous. Nothing they did was ever good enough and they constantly had to prove how much they needed and loved me. While I on the other hand stood determined not to give anything of myself away and became the taker instead of the giver. All these things and more left me in a constant state of paranoia and rejection. Rejection because I couldn't see who they were or who I had become and so I rejected us both. The truth is they were living in the shadow of my previous relationship. And this shadow's light was coming from my romanticzing and holding onto choice memories of the previous relationship. This light was blinding me to the truth of what the relationship really was and most of all who I was and what I really wanted in a relationship. This was not fair to them or myself. 

Well, what did I do to change this? First, I had to verbally release the old mate and embrace the new one. I had to get rid of pictures and gifts that kept me attached to them. I had to stop seeing the previous relationship under the lens of fantasy and see what it really was- the good and the bad of it. Then, I did the hardest thing of all, I had to heal. I had to do my work of healing myself of what I dreamed it would be, and what it really was. I began to ask myself why was I with them? What did they deposit in me and what were the constant withdrawls being taken from my life as a result. I had to heal from the hurt, betrayal and other emotions that kept me bound to that person. And then I released every soul tie (emotional and sexual) associated with them. And finally, I had to get rid of the what if scenarios and let that relationship be at rest and peace. I woke up! The result was miraculous. It was as if I was lifted from a fog. I saw myself and others with a clearer perspective. The frustration, anger, guilt, shame and fear went away. I showed up for the current relationship and allowed what the current mate had to offer reach me. 

So as we end 2013, take inventory of what people or things you may be holding onto that is hindering your present moments. If you want an abundant life, you have to clear up the clutter of all the things and people that are getting in the way. Don't let fear of the unknown keep the love and prosperity that's waiting to reach you. So, let it go...let them go...so you can be in this present moment receiving all the miracles and blessings that are waitng for you to have room to receive them.

Peace & Blessings~ ULM

What Do You Mean I Can't Change You?

Women love a great project. We love DIY and making things are own. One of the major projects we love to take on is changing others, especially our significant other. 

I recently relocated and had all these expectations on what my husband should and shouldn't do. I had my timeline, packing sheets, he bought the boxes, we were ready to go. But, what I invisioned in my mind didn't materialize in my experience. I was inwardly seething and of course started going over my mantra of if I coulda, woulda, shoulda. And then one day, the Spirit said to me, this is who he is, why are you getting upset and expecting what he isn't willing or capable of giving. This thought changed my whole demeanor. First, I thought, this situation wasn't a deal breaker, so I wasn't leaving. I knew all the responsibilities he had, and lastly, I had more time and energy to get it done. So, I completed my tasks with a inner peace and did my best, not saying anything to him until two days before our move.  But, to my delight when we reached our new home he began the job of unpacking and placing things in their proper places once the children and I were asleep. Each day I awoke to a home forming before my eyes. 

The valuable lessons I learned were that I had to accept what I couldn't change, which is my husband. I can influence him for good or evil, that's it. And the only person I can change is me. When I made peace with my emotions there was no drama and I received a special gift of him literally doing the heavy lifting. These truths freed me and made me see the wonderful gift I had, just the way he is. Trust God with those you love. See and accept them for who they are and enjoy the journey. Peace and Blessings- ULM

Searching For Daddy

Today we are faced with major issues of women that were raised without their fathers or with emotionally absent fathers. This has created women in search of daddy. This search has had women looking in all the wrong places to find him. Women have looked in bedrooms, bars, malls, religious institutions, and more. This sometimes unconscious search has left many women feeling tired, frustrated, unworthy, shameful, and guilty. It's time for the search to be over and for women to face the truth of who their father was and is and make peace with this truth. I am going to share some ways women can stop the search for daddy and move from self-destructive to self-love and harmony with themselves and others.

1. Tap into the Divine- realize there is a power and source greater than yourself. Acknowledge and accept God into your life. Learn more about God through reading the scriptures, joining a discipleship group, joing a prayer group, attending a worship service near you, and incorporating prayer and meditation to your daily routine. As you put God first, other things in your life will begin to shift in the right direction. Starting this process is not hard, you can begin it now! Taking the burden off of self to make everything in your life work and make sense will lift long carried burdens and allow you to see things and people in a new light. But most of all you will begin the process of becoming your authentic self- who God created you to be at your core.
2. Find Daddy- Examine your relationship with your father in all it's truth. If you don't know who he is or there was no relationship, then see it and allow the emotions to come. As they come allow them to pass right through you, not holding on to them. Then make peace with your father. Send him love and blessings. and pray for him. Pray that wherever he is on this earth or if he has made his transition that all is well with him and you forgive him for whatever hurt, disappointment, unmet expectations, and abandonment you experienced because of him. Realize that he did the best he could with what he had and knew. Allow the tears, joy, and laughter to come as you remember the good and not so good things about your father. Give thanks that you made it in spite of who your dad was and what he may have done. Release him to God and release all the issues and circumstances that you felt he owed you. Cancel his debt in your heart and mind and know that God is the great healer, provider and debt collector. If there is an opportunity to be reconciled with your father, with prayer make that attempt. But, for some that may not be what needs to be done. Allow God and the Holy Spirit to guide and give you wisdom on next steps and trust the process. If in doubt you may want to seek out counseling through a therapist, spiritual teacher, or pastor.
3. Find Yourself- Look at who you've become due to your issues with your father. Examine deeply and make peace with yourself. Look within to see some destructive habits and lifestyles you have taken on and decide to make changes. Ask God to show you what to do and how to change. For some this may mean letting some relationships go, moving from a location, changing your career, and healing from addictions. How do you accomplish this? One moment at a time. Giving every moment over to God and choosing wisdom and love over complacency and negativity. Choose to live your best life knowing. you will be guided throughout the process. 
4. Repeat Until Done- Stay with the process until you know it's complete. You may have to repeat some steps, you may have to forgive your dad over and over again. Finding yourself is a process and will take time to forgive yourself and shift your thinking about who you really are. But, stay with it, and you will see results. When you have had a life of drama and chaos, it will take time to shift this to peace and consistency. So, allow the changes to occur naturally as you change how you think and act. Be paitiant and gracious with yourself and others. Let go of offenses quickly and love more.

The truth is you may not have known you were searching for daddy until you read this, but realize that today you can find him and so much more. Today you can find God in a new and rich way, make peace and see your dad for who he really is or was, and most of all you can find youself. It may seem overwhelming, but the truth is this can be an exciting and rewarding time for you. For everything and everyone that you have to let go of, know that what and who will be replaced will be precious gifts sent from God.  More peace, love, joy, and fun can be yours by being guided by the Creator. Realize how much God loves you and allow yourself to see how this has manifested in your life.Today decide the searching and striving is over, you are going to let it be in God and watch how your life will unfold into a beautiful masterpiece full of great adventures and experiences. Peace and Blessings- U.L Muhammad

Cover for Me – Volleyball Pro Annett Davis Stands In

Read this blog post from a great Woman of Destiny, Annett Davis. Cover for Me – Volleyball Pro Annett Davis Stands In

How You Doing?

Today one of the major issues with women is competition. We are determining our self-worth and abilities by comparing ourselves with other women. We have found ourselves wanting to know what, when, how, and how much with the women we come in contact with. This behavior has left many frustrated, confused, angry, and off course. This comparison has also led to businesses folding, marriages ending, and relationships dissolving. And it's time for it to stop. As women we should embrace the sisterhood of our interconnectedness and not the differences that make us unique. The ways that we can combat this toxic behavior is by the following:
First, know who you are When you know who you are there is no need for comparison. You become comfortable in your own skin and celebrate your gifts, talents, and uniqueness as given by God. Secondly, you have to know what you want. Knowing what you need to make your life prosperous and successful is key. Many times our confusion, frustration, and comparison comes from not knowing what we want out of life so we focus on what other's are doing and judge ourselves based on their successes and failures. Finding out what we want takes time, prayer, meditation and the Word of God. We have to search the scriptures and ourselves to get to the key of what really matters and what's next for our lives. Adding prayer, meditation, and fasting help to unlock these treasures in their hidden places. And lastly, we have to learn to celebrate and encourage other women. Learning to sincerely encourage and congratulate other women as they accomplish great things will lead to harmonious relationships. The envious, jealous behavior brings toxicity and hurt along with it and makes everyone miserable. When you find something nice to say with joy it will enable you to be at peace and to enjoy the benefits of their cup running over. But, when you use your mouth to discourage, dismantle, and destroy others it will come back to you. Reaping and sowing are real and sometimes we forget this when we're dealing with others. 

So, the next time you ask your sister how's she doing? really listen and engage with her to find out the truth. The same grace, mercy, and love you give to others will come back to you in many areas of your life. Allow yourself to used as an instrument of blessings and not curses. Remember the only competition you have is yourself! Peace and Blessings- ULM

Am I My Sister's Keeper?

On my blog talk radio show we talked about Am I My Sister's Keeper? I wanted to make sure that I documented the key points from that show. 

There has always been issues between the female sex. Conflict, jealousy, envy, and competition. But, there has been deep connection, love, understanding, and unity. The problem is there are some women that have never experienced the greatness of being connected to other women and the benefits these connections and relationships bring to their lives. So today, we are going to talk about the sometimes toxic relationships we have with women and how we can get to a healthier place with them.

Some of the issues that keep women from having healthy relationships are: 

1. Not knowing who they are and what they want
2. When conflict happens not looking inward to their part, but always looking outward to others to place the blame. 
3. Not realizing there needs to be personal healing and transformation.
4. Isolation and self-centeredness
5. Mother/ Daughter relationship issues. Father issues

How to have healthy relationships:

1. Be true to self and realizing what they want and need
2. Have realistic expectations of the woman and the relationship.
3. Have proper boundaries
4. Love for self and others
5. Forgive self and others
6. Give people room for growth and maturity
7. Extend grace and mercy
8. Know when it's time to severe an unhealthy relationship

Relationships are tricky but healthy female relationship are possible. Step out and allow God to send the right women into your life. If you don't have a relationship with a woman, pray and ask God to send it to you.The benefits will last a lifetime. Yes, you are your sisters keeper, because your sister is you.

To listen to the show ON DEMAND go to www.blogtalkradio.com/ulmuhammad and click on the show title.

I Can, I Will, I Must- How to Finish 2013 Strong! 05/14 by ulmuhammad | Blog Talk Radio

I Can, I Will, I Must- How to Finish 2013 Strong! 05/14 by ulmuhammad | Blog Talk Radio Join me in 30 minutes for my live radio show via the internet or by calling in to (646) 716-7774.