How You Doing?

Today one of the major issues with women is competition. We are determining our self-worth and abilities by comparing ourselves with other women. We have found ourselves wanting to know what, when, how, and how much with the women we come in contact with. This behavior has left many frustrated, confused, angry, and off course. This comparison has also led to businesses folding, marriages ending, and relationships dissolving. And it's time for it to stop. As women we should embrace the sisterhood of our interconnectedness and not the differences that make us unique. The ways that we can combat this toxic behavior is by the following:
First, know who you are When you know who you are there is no need for comparison. You become comfortable in your own skin and celebrate your gifts, talents, and uniqueness as given by God. Secondly, you have to know what you want. Knowing what you need to make your life prosperous and successful is key. Many times our confusion, frustration, and comparison comes from not knowing what we want out of life so we focus on what other's are doing and judge ourselves based on their successes and failures. Finding out what we want takes time, prayer, meditation and the Word of God. We have to search the scriptures and ourselves to get to the key of what really matters and what's next for our lives. Adding prayer, meditation, and fasting help to unlock these treasures in their hidden places. And lastly, we have to learn to celebrate and encourage other women. Learning to sincerely encourage and congratulate other women as they accomplish great things will lead to harmonious relationships. The envious, jealous behavior brings toxicity and hurt along with it and makes everyone miserable. When you find something nice to say with joy it will enable you to be at peace and to enjoy the benefits of their cup running over. But, when you use your mouth to discourage, dismantle, and destroy others it will come back to you. Reaping and sowing are real and sometimes we forget this when we're dealing with others. 

So, the next time you ask your sister how's she doing? really listen and engage with her to find out the truth. The same grace, mercy, and love you give to others will come back to you in many areas of your life. Allow yourself to used as an instrument of blessings and not curses. Remember the only competition you have is yourself! Peace and Blessings- ULM

Am I My Sister's Keeper?

On my blog talk radio show we talked about Am I My Sister's Keeper? I wanted to make sure that I documented the key points from that show. 

There has always been issues between the female sex. Conflict, jealousy, envy, and competition. But, there has been deep connection, love, understanding, and unity. The problem is there are some women that have never experienced the greatness of being connected to other women and the benefits these connections and relationships bring to their lives. So today, we are going to talk about the sometimes toxic relationships we have with women and how we can get to a healthier place with them.

Some of the issues that keep women from having healthy relationships are: 

1. Not knowing who they are and what they want
2. When conflict happens not looking inward to their part, but always looking outward to others to place the blame. 
3. Not realizing there needs to be personal healing and transformation.
4. Isolation and self-centeredness
5. Mother/ Daughter relationship issues. Father issues

How to have healthy relationships:

1. Be true to self and realizing what they want and need
2. Have realistic expectations of the woman and the relationship.
3. Have proper boundaries
4. Love for self and others
5. Forgive self and others
6. Give people room for growth and maturity
7. Extend grace and mercy
8. Know when it's time to severe an unhealthy relationship

Relationships are tricky but healthy female relationship are possible. Step out and allow God to send the right women into your life. If you don't have a relationship with a woman, pray and ask God to send it to you.The benefits will last a lifetime. Yes, you are your sisters keeper, because your sister is you.

To listen to the show ON DEMAND go to www.blogtalkradio.com/ulmuhammad and click on the show title.

I Can, I Will, I Must- How to Finish 2013 Strong! 05/14 by ulmuhammad | Blog Talk Radio

I Can, I Will, I Must- How to Finish 2013 Strong! 05/14 by ulmuhammad | Blog Talk Radio Join me in 30 minutes for my live radio show via the internet or by calling in to (646) 716-7774.

Why Do I Have To Tolerate You?

Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Ephesians 4:2

In today's society "tolerance" is the buzz word for what we all should be doing with one another. But, I think this is a word that should be changed. In the dictionary tolerance is defined as enduring adverse conditions, forbearing. This has a negative tone as if what you are doing is painfully putting up with someone or something. How can true authentic love flow from a place that we are enduring? We need to check ourselves, our beliefs,  and our thoughts of others. I would rather love, heal, bless, and pray for people and situations than tolerate them. This shift in perception takes judgment out of the equation and leaves it to the one true Judge (God). The tolerant mindset has us saying what is "politically correct" but not our truth. It has us putting on our public face while we go home with our private disdain. There is a more excellent way...We are called to love one another and this love will show people that we are followers of God. Does love mean agreement or acceptance of things that are not in alignment with our moral values? No, it means loving people with an Agape love which is the greatest of all love. It is being able to make informed choices about what/ and who you allow in your space. It is realizing that no one is perfect and we are all in process. It's opening yourself up to see things differently while standing firm on what's true and divine, even if we don't condone their choices or behavior. This allows us the freedom to engage in dialog, pray, and teach them as we ourselves are open to the same process. This process allows miracles to occur, because the one we tolerate, may be the one sent to be a blessing to us. Will this new insight change anything? I think so,  we would have a world with less hate crimes, prejudices, murders, betrayals, abuse, and pain. Because we would all be love ambassadors to the world showing them the beauty of self-acceptance and high esteem! This love will take the focus off of the acts of people, but the core issues that are causing them to act out, and create the chaos in their lives and the lives of others. So, next time you hear yourself saying, "I can't stand them" or "why are they so stupid?" or "they should be hung for what they have done." Remember there was one that was sent that paid the price for all of our mistakes and wrong-doing, Jesus. So, show some grace and mercy, have proper boundaries with people, and send the light of his love to all those that you want to "tolerate".

Started From The Bottom

Women are first to appreciate a come-up story. A story of trials, tribulations and wrought with emotion. We love to see the underdog win and watch as against all odds, people make it. But, there is a story that is coming soon to your neighborhood, your circle of friends and family and this is going to be a blockbuster hit. This story is full of pain, joy, setbacks and setups, it has adventure, intrigue, drama, and comedy. There will not be a dry eye to all that hear and witness this story unfold. I don't want to spoil the plot, but in the end, You Win! Me? What are you talking about? This story is about you and your rise to the top. So remember every choice is a scene in this great saga, so choose wisely. And, when it's all said and done, you'll be singing, "Started from the bottom now I'm here!"

I'm Every Woman!

Today is International Women's Day. So, today allow yourself to embrace and celebrate your femininity. As women we are pros at multi-tasking. But I suggest we slow down today and look within and love on ourselves.We can get wrapped up in saving the world, our families, and our friends that we forget what self love and appreciation looks like. So, I suggest the following for tapping into your femininity and embracing all that you are, not just today but everyday:

First, take time every morning for prayer and meditation. This allows you to set your intentions for the day and to spend time in prayer for others. 

Second, find inspirational devotions, quotes, books that can motivate you to be all you can be. 

Third, take time to embrace who God made you. Look at your reflection in the mirror and learn to love what you see. Don't focus on what size you are, how big or small your eyes, lips, hips, or legs are. But, observe yourself in all of your beauty. Give thanks for who you are right now and start to look at what you or others might call flaws as uniqueness that sets you apart from everyone else. Ask God to allow you to see yourself as He sees you and love on yourself as the beautiful woman you are. 

Fourth, take the limits and labels off. Stop viewing who you are by society's standards, but by God's and yours. Stop allowing where you live, your profession, your sexuality, and your image to define who you are at the core. Realize and embrace that you can be who and what God says you can be. Take off all other labels except the one that was given to you when you entered into this earth. Woman. And ask God how do you want me to be in this skin of mine? Who am I and what did you call me to this earth to accomplish? How do you want me to express myself to the world? And then hear Him and then become who you are in the fullest expression. So put away the labels of Dr., Mrs., Ms., Minister, Author, Mother, etc...and be YOU with all your complexities and giftedness and walk in the infinite possibilities of who you can be and do!

And finally, learn the power and gift of your feminine energy. A lot of times as women we can operate in our masculine energy to excess that we forget what our feminine energy is. We are so busy doing and putting on all of our different hats fueled by masculine energy. We have to take the time to reconnect to our feminine energy. Allow yourself permission to be who God said you are. And allow the men in your life to be in their masculine energy. I'm noticing that many of us are living with the men around us in energy, and role reversal. And this has led to a lot of confusion, pain, frustration and anger. There are times when our expression will be the opposite energy, but we have to make sure that we are appropriately using our energy and role for each individual situation and circumstance. When we are relating to the men around us in our femininity and they in their masculinity we see how we compliment and need each other. This allow us to be partners and co-creators in life. And we see how the masculine and feminine flow brings synchronicity and harmony to our world.There will be no room for competition or comparison when we are living in this truth and flow. Now, what that looks like and how it is exhibited will be different for each individual. This is the wonderful gift of uniqueness and individuality that God gives us. Seek God and he will reveal to you what your femininity looks like. Realize that we have to stop allowing society, various groups/organizations, family, and friends to define this for us. This knowing and being comes only from constant communication and relationship with your creator, God. 

So, today on International Women's Day, realize that being a woman is a gift that should be embraced and cherished. It is about who you are at the core and allowing who that is to be expressed to this world. It is living out your purpose with passion and joy. It is tapping into all parts of yourself and knowing it's ok to be you. And most of all it is not about make-up, dresses, high heels, relationships, religion, children, or career. We are the sum of our beliefs, values, achievements, experiences, and thoughts. The key is knowing who you are and living out this truth everyday of your life. And seeing the inter-connectedness we have with every other woman on this earth. So, when we see other women we also see some part of ourselves. I'm every woman because I am connected to the giver of my womanhood and I express and live this everyday of my life with no regrets, explanations, or apologies. As we do this we are living testimonies of God's love, grace, and mercy and our lives become answered prayers to other women and men around us. 

Blessings!

My Sister, Myself - I Need You To Survive!

Society has us living our lives with an unhealthy focus on self. But to be Godly empowered women, we must allow our focus outward as well. There is a time for self- reflection, healing, and revelation, but we must also think about others and how our lifestyle, choices, and attitude affects those around us. Especially our sisters. When we shift our perception toward our sisters, we realize that what we are currently going through and have been through in our past  is not so terrible.  We see there is hope for change, healing, and redemption. When we observe our sisters and then reach out to them, we learn love, compassion, and the beauty of the "woman bond". When we come together and can laugh, cry, uplift, and encourage each other, all of our lives are better. There is a knowing that is within that spirit place, which let's us know that they see and understand. In this place of sisterhood, there is strength, wisdom, testimonies, and revelation for what we need to make our lives work. When we deny this sacred place among ourselves, we deny a part of who we are. So, the next time you find yourself saying, "I don't like women", or "I don't trust women" realize what you're really saying is "I don't like myself" and "I don't trust myself". That's when you go inward for the healing you need from any hurt, betrayal, and offenses that you have encounter at the hands of another woman. But, there comes the time when we must reach out again, love again, and trust again because we are apart of each other and we need one another to survive. My sister, I Need You To Survive!